Just Another Blog~

2015 18 11

First of all, happy birthday to myself..
Thank you God, for bringing me to life today. Eventhough this is maybe would be my worst birthday ever, but still i'm grateful i can celebrate my 24th years on earth. Thank you for everyone who care about me, who remembered me today by sending their wishes. Thank you for all the experiences of this past year we shared together. Happy memories that made me smile to face the day, for times of joy which I would cling everytime the sadness come, for times of failure which reminded me of my own weakness. Well, we can't do everything but try our best to live fullest and do everything we could.

It's been 24 years.. I don't know but i'm sad because i don't think i have done something big. But today i choose to enjoy my life. My dream isn't that big but i keep struggle to achieve it. No, i'm not giving up. Yes, i have grown up. I have reached a time when i understand and realize that i need to accept some simple facts of life. I know how cruel life could be and i don't want to be hurt. I know it selfish but that's the least thing i could do to protect myself.

Everyone around me in real life maybe didn't know this, but i tend to kept everything to myself. My thought was only for me to know, that's my minds told me at the back of my head. That's why i tried to write everytime i had spare time, because i need someone to know what i feels, but i couldn't speak up to them directly. I don't know what's wrong, i just can't.

Just like today, they congratulated me for my birthday. Mostly by texting me, sending me cards and letters, and hugged me. But do you know what is funny? My colleagues said i looks tired today because i spent my night celebrating my birthday. LOL
I would be really happy if it's true, but it wasn't true at all. I could only nods at them though, and they showered me with big hugs and wishes me good things. I'm grateful for this and hank you so much.

While the reality is.. I really don't want to write about this but i need to..
My family and I..
I don't know what happened to us, but I feel like we grew apart for the past months. It's hard to live in our house when the affection was almost gone everytime we fight. I know it's wrong to fight with our own family, but it can't be helped. Today is the 3rd day i'm having this cold war with my mom. I don't know why it started and i don't know why she thinks i'm mad of her. I kept ignoring her, yes.. But i'm not mad. The fact is i'm longing for her touch. I know i'm 24 now, but i'm still her kid. When we actually didn't have time to face each other everyday because of my works, I still need her attention. I miss her..

Dear Mom..
I'm thankful that you remember the day i was born. Thank you for bringing me to this world, i really am. Thank you for being such caring mother all this time, raised me so well for who i am today. I'm sorry that I hurt you this way. If only you know what i feel..
Thank you for texting me this morning and wishes me a happy birthday when in fact we live in the same house. It would be better if you just  knocked on my door and hug me once, i would be really happy. (This is the time when i hate technology the most, it makes people who actually near feels far away T__T)
To my dad and brother, I know you're suffered from this too, but I'm dissapointed that you all looks like you didn't care with what happened in our house. Or it just me who was too sensitive, i don't know.. I feel like i'm stupid for feeling like this..

And for my other half (If you really the one for me)..
I hope you're not faking about what you're saying that you really care about me. If only you could read this.. I really hope you would stalking me here and there so that you know what i feel. LOL
You know that i couldn't open up to you all this time because i'm not good at facing someone directly. It's not like i'm uncomfortable with you, but it because i'm nervous. I know we're together not long ago and it's short time, we have a long way to go. I'm grateful that you didn't give up on me until now. I hope we could make it until the end.

For my precious, LastJul and ekka..
Thank you so much, you're the best in my life. I never had someone that care about me so much as much as you are. I'm thankful that sometimes i think i didn't deserve all of you. You're like a reminder that i'm not alone here. You gave me strength to keep on going with my life when i didn't have anyone and anything to go. I really thank you.


Happy birthday to me, i guess. I wish myself the best things of life. Many more years of joy, love, laughter, health, strength and wisdom for days to come, and success with everything i do today, tomorrow.. Help me in the days ahead to make me better than who i am today. And sure I'll help myself too because 'God helps those who helps themselves'.